


meat 38.5

by carnivorousBelvedere



Category: Homestuck
Genre: And Dirk is the narrator, Love Confessions, M/M, Satisfied Voyeuristic Curiosity, The Homestuck Epilogues, The Homestuck Epilogues: Meat, Troll Junk Headcanon Roulette, Voyeurism, they fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 11:40:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19440733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivorousBelvedere/pseuds/carnivorousBelvedere
Summary: this is exactly what you think it might be.





	meat 38.5

**Author's Note:**

> don't try to tell me if epilogue Dirk "I hate that the brief feeling of being crushed by this oaf makes my dick twitch slightly" Strider caught wind of Dave bottoming he wouldn’t come right the fuck back and have a problem with it

Fuck this. Apparently, I can’t be trusted to just let things lie. Listen, I get it. I’m being a huge hypocrite. 

But that’s just the thing, Dave. You were always supposed to be better than me. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you. I really am, and I’m going to let you finish but…. seriously dude. You had one job. 

So what if this is just a contrived excuse for us to see what went down. We all know I was just trying to punish you all for being horny bastards. 

Fine. Let’s backtrack a little, bring everyone up to speed. I’ll even hit the rewind button for you. I know I said I wasn’t going to do this, but these are extenuating circumstances that I must take time out of my busy schedule to correct. 

Alright, where did I leave off? Oh yeah. Dave and Karkat are sucking face on the couch. 

Like really, really just going at it. 

You’re welcome for this. I’m making an aggravated sigh and leaning back in my seat. Or you can imagine me doing so, and kicking my feet up as I settle in to telling you what’s what all happened here.

Dave grabs Karkat’s face, kisses him and it’s like the two of them just shifted into high gear, going at each other in a sudden flurry of movement. Karkat throws himself right back at Dave, hands folding into his hair and tugging Dave closer to his body. It’s instant, demanding physical neediness. They can’t get enough of each other. Hands move, shifting into pulling at hair and clothes, asking and needing more. They breathe each other in hungrily. This is straddling the line between a victorious reunion kiss and just straight up trying to eat each other’s faces off. I guess I’d do the same, if I lived with and pined after someone for seven years. It’s important to put things in perspective. 

Dave and Karkat kiss each other like they need it to survive. It’s desperate. They both wonder how they went for so long without it. They’re so demanding with each other’s mouths it looks as if they’re just going to go the whole way on the couch like I suggested. 

Their kisses are sloppy with hands roving. Dave can’t stop touching Karkat all over like he’s always wanted to. His hands shift down from grabbing at the troll’s hair and neck down to his arms and sides. Gone is the hesitancy before they kissed, it’s been replaced with wanting and fueled by Karkat’s reciprocal behavior. Everything over the last ten years is finally being released. 

It goes on for a few minutes like that, just the noises of faces mashing together and wandering fingers. They’re both really into it. Again, I don’t blame them. No one goes any further just yet, but I think it’d be hard to not get hot and bothered with all that heavy petting. 

Dave starts to get grabby with Karkat’s sweater. So far so good. Just keep chugging on, going for the gold, son. The moment his fingers slide under the hem, finally touching skin, Karkat makes a gasping noise. He starts pushing back, kissing Dave even more roughly. Dave hesitates and slips his fingers out from under the shirt. Karkat doesn’t seem to have the same uncertainty, as he’s working on getting Dave out of his shirt. I almost expect them to stop for a second when his shirt gets caught on an elbow but they’re back at each other’s mouths again in an instant. 

Karkat starts again with his hands in Dave’s hair and lets them drift down to feeling his chest and back. Dave gasps at the sensation, it feels so good to finally be touched like that. 

Honestly, the two of them are so inexperienced, I’m not sure if I should find this cute or be horrified. 

Dave, you take your hand and put it under his sweater again. Usually people do this sex thing naked, though I know most of this is foreign concept to you. 

He doesn’t. He makes a noise that could be aggravation or pleasure and continues on with his wandering but unnecessarily respectful grazes. However, his hand actually drifts lower, over Karkat’s crotch, and he gasps again at what he feels there. Karkat hisses into his mouth so it must at least feel good. 

They shift so that Dave is laying on Karkat and pressing bodily against him. He grunts, and I hate to say it but the only good descriptor I can think of is ‘wantonly’. Dave, please don’t come in your pants dry humping your newly-christened boyfriend’s leg. I will literally disown you. 

Dave grabs a hold of Karkat and does it again, trying not to make noises into his mouth. Karkat makes a surprised sound but it isn’t a disappointed one. Dave’s pants have never felt so constraining before. Karkat feels that way too, but I suppose we are playing troll junk headcanon roulette here so who really knows. 

For the sake of simplicity, we’ll just let him pop a wiggly. 

Yeah, okay, there is definitely something alive and moving in those pants. 

Dave is not intimidated by it. He takes a handful of the front of Karkat’s pants and strokes the top. Karkat makes a loud sound into Dave’s mouth, where I think they might just be permanently connected at now. 

It continues on like that for a little while, Dave grinding down on his leg while stroking the uh…. bulge. Goddammit, I guess I have to use that word if we’re really going to embrace this whole situation here. 

It’s both adorably desperate yet agonizing. I know Dave wants to take it further. 

At some point they break away for air, altogether significantly more disheveled. They hold each other close as they catch their breaths, averting eye contact between each other. Please tell me it doesn’t get weird again. You can fuck and talk about your feelings later, goddamn. 

Dave hangs his head down and Karkat watches him, enraptured, possibly still scared that this is all a mistake. But he doesn’t see the grin on Dave’s face. Dave feels so intensely relieved, like an all-consuming weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Finally, that wall is broken. 

DAVE: ive wanted to do that for such a long time  
KARKAT: FUCK. ME TOO.

They pull back to look at each other, make eye contact for a single second, and then start laughing, falling into each other in a joyous heap. 

DAVE: i cant fucking believe this  
KARKAT: ME EITHER. GODDAMMIT WHY WAS I ALWAYS SUCH A FUCKING COWARD. I COULD HAVE DONE THIS SO MUCH SOONER.

Dave shakes his head, still grinning, and leans in to kiss Karkat again. Karkat stops him. What is it now?

KARKAT: WAIT. 

Dave pauses and pulls back, concern filling his face. Please, guys, I thought we were supposed to be past this excruciatingly cringy part. 

KARKAT: HOW LONG?  
DAVE: how long what  
KARKAT: HOW LONG HAVE YOU WANTED TO DO THIS FOR.  
DAVE: oh uh  
DAVE: a… while  
KARKAT: DAVE YOU ARE THE LITERAL GOD OF TIME DON’T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT DURING OUR LOVE CONFESSION.  
DAVE: listen ok we had that talk a long time ago about ‘transcending quadrants’ or whatever and like  
DAVE: i guess when nothing happened i thought that was what you wanted  
KARKAT: OKAY NEVER MIND STOP ALL THIS IS GOING TO DO IS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.  
DAVE: well this shit goes both ways  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: you uh  
DAVE: you want this right  
DAVE: i mean if you wanna go right back to being  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: us but like the us before we dramatically sucked face like the horny teenagers we somehow never acted on being  
DAVE: i guess in retrospect have you ever thought about how crazy it was that nothing ever happened before  
DAVE: like on the meteor with hormones going off and neither of us making a move  
DAVE: stuck on a meteor  
DAVE: with nothing to do  
DAVE: except each other though we totally didnt do that apparently  
DAVE: three years just untangling our mutually reciprocal issues left over from our respective planets and nothing else  
DAVE: you not leaving me alone when i was having a rough time which made me want you in the first place  
DAVE: wow from the sound of that i would write my own fanfiction about it i really cant blame anyone for indulging  
DAVE: that honestly sounds more canon i should really sit down and talk to callie about this sometime  
KARKAT: DAVE YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE.  
DAVE: right  
DAVE: i guess what im trying to say is  
DAVE: we can do that just erase the entire last ten minutes and pretend nothing happened just like how nothing happened then  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OF COURSE I WANT THIS.  
KARKAT: I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: okay  
DAVE: good

Well then, wasn’t that sweet. 

Their eyes meet again and Karkat finds himself enthralled once more, staring into Dave’s. Dave starts to get a little unsettled and looks down at the couch. 

KARKAT: YOUR EYES  
DAVE: what about em  
KARKAT: THEY’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU’RE UH. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. 

I can’t even begin to describe how bad my secondhand embarrassment is. It’s so bad I don’t even know if I can go through with this. Can we get this saccharine shitshow on the road, we still need to get to the porn and I haven’t got all day. Karkat, I’m glad you got your eyefuckful of Dave’s Strider-patented peepers but now’s not the time. 

Dave’s face furrows a little bit and he frowns for a second before it evens back out into that small happy smile. 

DAVE: karkat  
KARKAT: YEAH?  
DAVE: i think im gonna kiss you and like  
DAVE: not stop  
DAVE: and maybe do some other stuff  
DAVE: is that okay  
KARKAT: THAT IS REALLY FUCKING OKA--MMMF 

Dave launches himself at Karkat’s mouth again. Great, it’s time to finish this. Everyone loves finishing, right?

Ever the gentleman, Dave still doesn’t start with undressing the ornery troll, which is highly unconducive to actually getting it on. What happened to the raw passion from just a few minutes ago? Take some initiative for fuck’s sake.

Karkat is actually the one beginning to wriggle Dave out of the rest of his clothes. They break away so Dave can help Karkat with undoing his belt. 

DAVE: buy me dinner first  
KARKAT: I WATCHED YOUR SCRAWNY ASS GO THROUGH PUBERTY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TOUCH IT!

Things are getting significantly more heated now. Dave has another thought about how he handled his pre-adolescent hormones thinking about Karkat, having imagined this exact scene and how it would play out for years. The kissing and touching resumes with wandering hands. They haven’t discussed the goal of this, but deep down they both know they want to fuck each other’s brains out. I don’t even have to inject that thought in, they both know it. 

There’s a lot of things going through that troll’s head right now. He’s thinking about how self conscious he is, trying to shovel away all of his blood color insecurity so he doesn’t monumentally fuck this up. But he finds that he can push forward because having this, with Dave, is far more important.

Anyways, he trusts him. 

I’m not going to excessively detail how much he’s enjoying the makeout sesh, but he’s enjoying it. He is also really enjoying rubbing his hands all over Dave’s body. He’s dreamed about doing this before on so many shameful nights. It’s too good to be true, and now Dave Strider is straddling him, wearing only underwear and moaning his name. 

Dave finally gets Karkat out of that goddamn sweater. Great, back on the horse buddy. Karkat goes still as Dave starts to feel him up just as thoroughly, wandering hands on his chitinous skin, that anxiety rising again. Dave pulls away just enough to murmur against his mouth. 

DAVE: is this okay  
KARKAT: YES. GOD, PLEASE DON’T STOP.

Dave bites back a comment about being actual Fucking Gods by kissing Karkat again, like he can’t stop kissing him. They’re both down to boxers, with Karkat’s big wiggly trying to get real friendly through the barrier and Dave’s dick getting hard enough to cut diamonds, no ironic quadrant joke intended. 

Karkat is actually responsible for getting the last obstruction between them and mashing their incompatible genitalia together. At least one of them has their wits about them, I don’t know which brain I need to tell Dave to think with for once. 

It’s all just touching, then. Each other’s arms, backs, feeling each other’s skin, a mix of wanting to make each other mindless with how good it feels but not stop stroking the other. Dave might as well be using his hands to map Karkat’s body. He doesn’t want to stop, not when he’s wondered what this would feel like for so long. 

Karkat is the one that reaches down to Dave’s crotch and strokes his dick, finally. Dave hisses into his mouth and Karkat strokes again. 

He puts Dave between his legs, physically maneuvering him, and the bulge between them reacts, wrapping around Dave’s dick sloppily. Karkat doesn’t even have to put in much effort, the thing moves of its own accord. It looks so slick, leaving a thin sheen of pink on anything it touches. Dave collapses into him as it starts to work around his dick, still reveling in how good his naked skin feels. 

But all he has to do is unwrap it and stick it in. Dude, you know he has a literal alien pussy. Nudge those legs open and just jack-knife dive into it, get messy. It’s not my cup of tea but like, you do you bro. 

Yeah, he doesn’t do that. Karkat is actually the one who unwraps it and starts letting it venture further, down-- 

Goddamn it, Dave. If I was in a movie theater, I’d be throwing popcorn at the screen. 

What the fuck are you doing? 

It took this guy all these years to confess to you, not even confess actually, and now you’re just going to let him have his way with you? 

KARKAT: SHOULD I…?  
DAVE: please  
DAVE: i want it

Dave helps Karkat, centering himself over his hips. Both cry out as that Big Red or whatever the fuck you want to call it starts working its way inside Dave. 

I don’t know how else to put this. 

Dave, if you’re going to be the total bottom bitch here, how do you ever think you’ll overtake me? 

He doesn’t react, he just cries out again as he sinks further on his alien lover’s very alien dick, holding on to Karkat like he’s a lifeline. If you’re going to take it up there like that at least stop yelling and have a little dignity. That thing comes naturally pre-lubricated I don’t see what the big issue is. 

No, the issue is that you could be fucking him, but instead you let this prissy coward fuck you instead. 

Hey, maybe it’s possible I didn’t give the cute alien enough credit. Who knows, in another timeline he might have grown up to become a revolutionary leader. If I hadn’t needed to fuck around so much he probably would have been president. He’d at least be someone who might seem to have a bit more chutzpah in the bedroom. 

I don’t think I have the words to describe what this looks like now, but I’ll tell you this: when he bottoms out, Dave rides that bulge hard enough to make a Texas rancher proud. 

Karkat holds him close as Dave moves on top of him, the two of them shuddering in each other’s arms. Karkat runs a hand through Dave’s hair and curses when Dave gives a particularly enthusiastic undulation of his hips. 

It’s not long before Karkat comes to the tune of Dave’s moans and panting breaths above him. Dave kisses him again but doesn’t give Karkat a moment to rest as he wraps a hand around his own dick and keeps fucking himself on that alien bulge. Karkat cries out into his mouth, digging claws into Dave’s back. 

What is this, the literal Second Coming of Christ? 

Oh, I see, that was him actually coming, because the couch is just entirely soaked now. 

Dave comes to a stop, I guess at some point he came himself but that just got lost in the show of whatever just came out of Karkat. 

Dave doesn’t seem too surprised by that. I suppose it would be stupid to assume Dave hadn’t ever watched alien porn for purely educational purposes at some point in their middling relationship.

He looks so blissed out, bracing himself up over Karkat, sweat-slicked and smiling. 

I came all this way only to watch this happen. I really can’t stand for this. 

Fine. Let’s try something else. 

Dave, _I’m disappointed in you._

DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: that was amazing  
KARKAT: YEAH. YEAH IT WAS.  
DAVE: im just so happy

He giggles and presses his forehead against Karkat’s, unbearably intimate. Karkat is looking up at him just as breathlessly, unable to stop staring at Dave’s eyes. Has he really never seen Dave’s eyes? He better know how goddamn precious that is. 

Dave looks so happy. They both look so happy. 

And he can’t hear me. 

KARKAT: WE’RE A MESS.  
DAVE: youre my mess  
DAVE: though i guess you also made a mess of me  
DAVE: and this couch  
DAVE: like rest in fucking pieces couch  
DAVE: you put up a valiant effort against the troll juice but it just wasnt enough  
KARKAT: DAVE!!! 

I failed. Let’s pack it up.

DAVE: hey  
DAVE: i  
DAVE: i  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: WHAT IS IT? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE CHOKING, JUST SPIT IT OUT.  
DAVE: its just  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: i love you, karkat  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: I…. YEAH.  
KARKAT: I LOVE YOU TOO, DAVE.


End file.
